lastlaugh 0 Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 The wife and I just got back from the hospital and I just needed to vent i guess. We found out the night before last that we lost our baby. She was 13 1/2 weeks pregnant with our first child, and this has been unbelievably hard on us. We have been thru 7 surgeries in the past year, and she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer last year. After several radiation treatments, we beat the cancer but were told that she could never get pregnant again. I also was doubtful that I could have children due to chemical exposure in Iraq and injuries that I sustained over there in 2006, but, in February, we found out she was pregnant. We were ecstatic to say the least (we have been trying for over 10 years). She has wanted a child for over ten years, and has stuck with me and my military career, thru multiple deployments, and the trials that go along with being an active duty spouse. I has been the happiest days of our lives. On tuesday night, as we were going to bed, she came to me crying saying we needed to go to the hospital immediately. She was bleeding pretty bad. We rushed to the hospital and we left in the ER waiting room for 7 1/2 hours while the ER team watched the UNC game on tv (I'm stationed in NC). When they finally did the ultrasound, they came back in the room and told us "you are going thru an intrauterine abortion.....in other words, your baby is dead." We were devastated. Not just from the news, but from the lack of sensitivity of the doctors. And the more I thought of it, the more i realized how insensitive I have been in the past towards people that had had miscarriages. I couldn't figure out how someone could get so attached to something they never met. It has been a lesson learned for me. I saw my baby in the final ultrasound. I saw its hands, feet, legs, and the little nub between its legs and was filled with hope and pride. (I was praying for a boy to take shooting with me. I had already planned on taking its 1st birthday pics beside my newly converted saiga!) While we were in the hospital waiting on my wife's suction DNC to remove our baby's body from my wife, I went to a blog site that I read alot and found this poem. I just wanted to post it, and maybe it will help someone else on the forum who has been thru this: Daddy, please don't look so sad, Mama please don't cry Cause I am in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies. Please, try not to question God, Don't think he is unkind Don't think He sent me to you, and then He changed his mind. You see, I am a special child, and I'm needed up above I'm the special gift you gave Him, the product of your love. I'll always be there with you and watch the sky at night, Find the brightest star that's gleaming, That's my halo's brilliant light. You'll see me in the morning frost, that mists your window pane. That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain. When you feel a little breeze, from a gentle wind that blows That's me, I'll be there, planting a kiss on your nose. When you see a child playing, and your heart feels a little tug, That's me, I'll be there, giving your heart a hug. So Daddy, please don't look so sad, Mama don't you cry. I'm in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies. Anonymous Quote Link to post Share on other sites
IndyArms 10,186 Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 I am very sorry for your loss... Try to keep a positive outlook, though... it happened once... it can happen again, God willing, you will have your dreams!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gunman1 1,753 Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 Please know that you are not alone, my heart goes out to you and your wife. We've also been through alott, if you need to talk send me a PM and I'll provide a phone number. God's love to both of you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Juggernaut 11,054 Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 As Jesus wraps is arms around your child, I hope you feel him wrap his arms around you too... I can't express in words what to say... We are here for you in whatever way we can provide... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gunboy69 50 Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 Very sorry for your loss.. My wife and I went through the same thing at the hospital,and the doctor(who was a woman) was very cold,and even asked my wife why she was bawling. Not only do you feel a loss ,and have all the thoughts of what could have been,your wifes body is going through a loss only a woman can feel. There are chemical and hormonal changes that have been brought to an abrupt halt. Some of these doctors are like robots,and I'm very sorry you and your wife had to go through this. Thank you for your service,you deserve better. John Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gaddis 1,689 Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 What's the deal with all the shitty luck that seems to be going around lately? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra 76 two 2,677 Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 I'm so sorry to hear this news. Please take whatever solace is possible in the fact that there are lots of good people here who will support you and keep you in their prayers. I'm really sorry for yours and your wife's loss, and I hope you get another chance to raise a child together. People in hospitals can be very cold. I was also in the emergency room with my sweetie here in Raleigh that same night. I was thinking the exact same thing, with all the TVs on everywhere, and everyone all excited about the UNC Tarholes in the championship game and all. (forgive me I'm a die hard Wolfpack fan and they are arch rivals...) I was thinking how screwed up that was that they would even broadcast the game in the hospital, for anyone besides the poor souls like us who were sitting in waiting rooms hoping for the best. In my case my love was in danger of possibly losing her own life, and I did not want to even admit to myself that any distractions like a damn basketball game could possibly play any part in that. Lots of great people here sent up prayers and my baby made it through. I thank every one of them for their effort and well wishes. I'm not even religious but I have to think it does some people some good, especially if they know people are praying for them. In fact I just returned from the hospital where I took Racegal a printout of all the good vibes and prayers people here sent her way. Those people who have sent their prayers and good vibes will forever hold a special place in our hearts. Good luck with everything and we'll keep you and your wife, and your baby, in our thoughts and prayers. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DOXtheOX 1 Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 I am very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your wife. Your faith in God can be a great source of comfort. I'd like to share some thoughts with you that might bring some comfort. I believe that we come here to Earth so our souls can gain a body, which we will regain after the resurrection and have for eternity. I believe that God loves some of his children so much that He allows them to come gain their body and then brings them home so they do not have to experience the pains and sorrows of the world we live in. But what about the good experiences of live, especially the joy and love of family, being raised by parents that love them, wouldn't God want them to have that? I know that God would not strip you, your wife and child from that experience. You will be given the time to raise your child in the after life. I hope that you can find peace and understanding. God bless. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TR Young 175 Posted April 10, 2009 Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 I know that words are pretty small compared to what you are dealing with, but I am very thankful that you found that poem. I can't help but believe that God led you to that site where you found that poem and He spoke to you through it. God's plan is unknown to us for now, but someday we will know it. You and your wife will meet your child, too. I pray that you will be strong and have peace of mind until then. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Shep 0 Posted April 10, 2009 Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 Adding you and your wife to my prayer list lastlagh. One of my brothers and his wife went through this same thing several times and each time it broke their hearts. Today though they have two beautiful and healthy little girls. God bless you and be with you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vultite 57 Posted April 10, 2009 Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 I'm sorry for your loss. Working in the medical field unfortunately can make you numb to things. I'm sorry the staff wasn't more sympathetic for you both. I would keep a close eye on your wife though and make sure she gets help if she needs it. My sister went through a lot trying to have kids and it took her a long time to get back to normal after the mess. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
superA 289 Posted April 10, 2009 Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 I am so sorry man. I don't even know what to say but there it is. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kresk 10,063 Posted April 10, 2009 Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 We lost our first born at two weeks of age. I can empathize with you greatly. Look to the future or it will tear you up inside. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lastlaugh 0 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers. I'm fairly new to this forum and don't post a whole lot, but it really says alot about the quality of the people here. I showed the wife this thread and she cried, but seems to be doing a lot better today. We will wait a few months and try again. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
G O B 3,516 Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 I feel for you. I went through this 35 years ago. We lost a son due to a "doctor" covering his ass about an IUD. The pain is something we must get past. It never "goes away", but we need to concentrate on the living, your wife needs you more than ever. And with the love you have to give, there are children that need you. I was fortunate to have 2 more children (both of which had problems that needed special attention), one before this and one later. If it is to be you will be blessed again and if not there are many children in America in desperate need of the love you can give. Life MUST go on, now I have grandchildren that need me, and a full and blessed life, BUT.... sometimes when I am alone I still mourn a son I never knew. However life is for the living and we go on. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Koliadko 207 Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 Alot of people don't understand that just because your baby hasn't been born yet, that you're still already a parent. I've had people say to me that I'm going to be a grandmother. No, I'm not going to be. I already am. Just because I haven't yet had the joy of holding Jayson and Max in my arms, I love them both with all my heart. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
patriot 7,197 Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 (edited) You had to WAIT in the EMERGENCY room because they were watching a fucking GAME??????!!!! You need to get a lawyer and hand someone their ass for that one! That is gross negligence, and a violation of their oath. Edited April 11, 2009 by patriot Quote Link to post Share on other sites
IndyArms 10,186 Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 We will wait a few months and try again. Ya know... honestly... The FIRST PART is one of the BEST parts of children... the MAKING OF THEM... You can try and try until it happens... that's something that NEVER gets old!! and you will never hear "sorry honey, I have a headache" AND... you can buy more Saigas and you wont get cut off!!! ( but dont show the wife THAT PART... or the jig is up!! ) As I said above... It happened once... it certainly can happen, and bless your family again!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
candy rain 0 Posted April 14, 2009 Report Share Posted April 14, 2009 so sorry to hear this story,hope you dont lose faith Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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