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You wake up in the morning and they are playing the band NIRVANA at 10 in the morning.

 

You can't trust a fart.

 

You grunt when pulling back on your bow or when lifting up your kids.

 

Teenagers piss you off for doing the same shit you did.

 

You get cranky when you skip a meal.

 

 

 

... you got some more?

 

 

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you went to a Dallas Cowboys game at the Cotton Bowl

you bought a 1965 Mustang as a slightly used car

late night TV was Johnny Carson

you can't party all night, just take a shower, and go to work

and my personal pain in the ass right now you got no damn teeth and have to wait till December go get some dentures

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for me,  I embrace getting old, here are the reasons why;

 

1) for 50+ years I had to stand behind some old coot that pulled out a change purse to count the exact change, then got into a polite conversation with the cashier, then had to start counting all over again because he lost count. then he slowly zipped up his change purse put it back in his pocket, then took out his wallet and pulled out the exact dollar amount, and then slowly put it back in his back pocket.  now, it's my turn to be that "old coot" and everybody behind me can just wait until I finish with my transaction, just like I use to. they  can have their turn when they get old.  biggrin.png

 

2) for 30+ years I always got behind a "old coot" that was driving below the posted speed limit. now, it's my turn to be that "old coot" and drive 5 miles below the posted speed limit, because  I'm in no hurry to get anywhere anymore.

 

 

3) I get to  ask, you give AARP discounts?

 

 

4) when I go to the mall now, I don't buy anything. I just sit in a cushy chair and watch girls. it's even better if there is a chair in front of VICTORIA'S SECRETS  biggrin.png

Edited by Matthew Hopkins
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You have to shake your dick a lot more after taking a piss and it still does not always get the dribble.

...and we have a winner!!!

 

That made me laugh out loud!!!

 

 

When you step into the shower and lift your arms to wash what little hair you have left on top of your head and end up at the emergency room because you threw out your lower back....and a little dribble now and then :)

 

ETA: when you enjoy the extra shakes of the pecker for the above mentioned condition, because it is the hottest action you have gotten in months.

Edited by Spacehog
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You have to shake your dick a lot more after taking a piss and it still does not always get the dribble.

or you take Viagra just so you don't piss on your shoes.

 

You may be taking it for the wrong reason....

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When you're packing a bag for a weekend trip, and it takes you 3 minutes to pack your clothes and 10 minutes to pack your meds...  :huh:

 

You move a few boxes around in the garage, and the next day it takes you 10 minutes to get out of bed.

 

One of your most-used phrases is now... "Where is my Advil?"

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When you have to wait and wait and wait trying to start to piss.  Then like already said, then you have to shake it a dozen times to get the last dribble out, but the shaking is no long fun.  Just shaking.

 

Then...after you finally get through in the bathroom pissing, you dribble several drops of piss down your boxer short down to your knees.  That always pisses me off.

 

When you really stop and take a look at the "Depends" shelves at the local pharmacy where all the pharmacists know you by your first name.

 

When you walk right by the rubber displays because it is now a distant fond memory. 

 

When you are having bad lower back days like right now and you have to cancel a trip into town because you are not sure if you can get to the car and back.

 

I hate getting old.  I knew this would happen....only not so soon.  HB of CJ (old coot) smile.pngsmile.pngsmile.png

 

 

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You walk out to the garage to get something and forget what it was and while you're trying to remember you start working on something else. Then you need something from the house and when you get there you forgot what you went there for, but remember what you needed from the garage.

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People who were born when you were in your 30s are now old enough to drink.

 

You meet some old wrinkled person and then you find out you're older than them.

 

You can't sleep past 6AM even on weekends.

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When you are watching The History Channel and remember it like yesterday.

 

When you go thru all your kids names before your get it right.

 

When I was born, there were only 49 states.

 

 

Bill Clinton went to visit the nursing home. When he walked in, nobody paid him any attention. He walked up to the desk and asked the lady, "Do you know who I am?"  The lady said, '' That's OK, Honey, just sit over there and we'll help you figure it out."

Edited by SouthernOne
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You walk out to the garage to get something and forget what it was and while you're trying to remember you start working on something else. Then you need something from the house and when you get there you forgot what you went there for, but remember what you needed from the garage.

Oh man, been there many times!

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When you pump $3.19 gas - and bitch the whole time because you remember buying that shit for $0.17 a gallon!

 

When you have to lube the bearings and replace the brushes in your power tools because they are 35 years old - and you bought them new!

 

When you clean up the shop and find brake drums for a '64 Rambler American!

 

When you have old work shirts from a company that was bought out in the '70s!

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