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Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.


Death had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.


9-1-1 calls Chuck Norris


Chuck Norris makes onions cry.


Chuck Norris sleeps with the lights on because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.


A rattlesnake bit Chuck Norris and despite all efforts to save him, the snake died.


Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.


Before the Boogeyman goes to sleep he checks under the bed for Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Unfortunately Chuck Norris has never cried.


Someone invented Chuck Norris toilet paper but it was a failure because it wouldn’t take shit from anyone.

Edited by Darth Saigus
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Chuck norris once urinated in the gas tank of a semi...... it is now known as optimus prime!

Only one person cried the day Chuck Norris was born, the doctor. Because nobody slaps chuck norris and gets away with it!

Chuck Norris eats coal, and shits diamonds.

A blind man once ran into chuck norris and got his sight back, unfortunately the first image was a roundhouse to the face.

Edited by dashowdy
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Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle


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Fuck Chuck...  V. Putin just surpassed him by one tag, becoming a Ninth degree Black Belt in Taekwondo.




Putin earns 9th-degree blackbelt, now tougher than Chuck Norris

By Leonard Greene

November 13, 2013 | 11:55pm

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Russian leader Vladimir Putin has received a ninth-degree black belt in Taekwondo — ranking him higher than Chuck Norris.

Photo: AP/Everett Collection


He’s already been deemed more powerful than President Obama — and now, he’s even tougher than Chuck Norris.

Russian leader Vladimir Putin, on a visit to South Korea, was honored with a ninth-degree black belt from the president of the World Taekwondo Federation — ranking him a notch higher than Norris.

Putin, a martial-arts enthusiast, was humbled by the honor.

“I’m not sure if I deserve this,” said Putin, a former KGB agent, after receiving the honor. “Let’s call it our campaign to popularize this wonderful martial art. Russia will do its best to contribute to its popularity at home.”

Putin, 61, was judo champion of his home town of Leningrad, now St. Petersburg, in his youth, and starred in the instructional video “Let’s Learn Judo With Vladimir Putin” in 2008.

The video shows him flipping and tripping various white-robed patsies, none of whom appear to be fighting back.


Putin also has a black belt in judo.

He has carefully honed his world wide reputation as a tough guy with such testosterone-filled exploits as shirtless hunting and fishing, playing hockey against professionals and arm wrestling with an American congressman.

Earlier, this year Putin teamed up with another movie actor, martial-arts tough guy Steven Seagal, to promote Russia’s weapons market.

Seagal also helped Putin promote a fitness program.

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Norris, best known for his run as a cowboy-hat wearing, tough guy trooper in “Walker, Texas Ranger,” could not be reached for comment.

The “Delta Force” actor famously sparred with Bruce Lee in “Return of the Dragon” the first in a string of hits that included the “Missing in Action” trilogy.

Norris has also championed conservative political causes, and backed former Arkansas Republican Gov. Mike Huckabee in his failed White House bid in 2008.


South Korea gave Obama an honorary black belt during a visit in 2009, although the ranking wasn’t as high as Putin’s.

Before he hit the national stage, Obama took taekwondo lessons in Chicago, where a former instructor, David Posner, remembered him as “very disciplined, very diligent.”

But because the future president got a late start in the art, he “was not the best kicker, not the best puncher,” Posner told the Washington Post.

Taekwondo is a Korean martial art which combines combat and self-defense techniques with exercise.

It is popular among 70 to 80 million practitioners in 205 countries. Putin topped Forbes 2013 list of the world’s most powerful people.

Everyone’s know the facts about Chuck Norris — but here are a few about Vladimir Putin:
  • Vladimir Putin has a Russian bear rug in the Kremlin. The bear’s not dead it’s just scared.
  • Vladimir Putin once shot down a U2 spy plane by pointing his finger at it and saying “bang.”
  • When Obama had the NSA spy on world leaders, Putin was the only one to give the snoops roundhouse kick through the Internet.
  • Unlike Obama, when Vladimir Putin fills out his NCAA brackets, the teams don’t dare contradict him.
  • When Vladimir Putin started “PutinCare” in Russia, everyone rushed to sign up to keep from getting hurt.
  • Vladimir Putin wins political games he isn’t even playing.
  • If you see Vladimir Putin, you should run. If you see the bottom of his foot coming at you, it’s already too late.
  • Vladimir Putin puts polonium in his Cheerios.
  • Vladimir Putin plays dodge ball with hand grenades.
  • The name of the AK-47 was going to be changed to the “Vladimir Putin.” But the makers’ realized that it would be too lethal.
  • Vladimir Putin has already been to Mars. That’s why there is no life there.
  • Vladimir Putin’s push-ups push the Earth down.
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Fuck Chuck...  V. Putin just surpassed him by one tag, becoming a Ninth degree Black Belt in Taekwondo.



That's nothing. 




In 1994, the very first time he played golf, Kim Jong-Il dominated the 7,700-yard Pyongyang Golf Course. He shot an unimaginable 38-under par, recording no worse than a birdie at the country's lone golf course. His round included 11 holes-in-one, and the feat was verified by 17 bodyguards who were present.
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Chuck Norris was badass 30 years ago.


Watching him fight Bruce Lee at the drive-in was my first Rated-R film.


We need new heros.


Sorry about the wet blanket. :(


Maybe Obama will start a career in film.

Edited by Sim_Player
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Ghost sit around the fire and tell Chuck Norris stories


Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic table because the only recognizes the element of surprise.


Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin.  It's descendants are known as giraffes


Chuck Norris doesn't breathe.  He hold air hostage


Chuck Norris takes the quote "No one's perfect" personally

Edited by BeatTheTunaUp
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While I like bot Chuck and Vlad, honorary belts, diplomas, degrees, etc, mean exactly squat. Like the Noble Peace Prize, if Obama gets one, anybody can get one.








There are too many fake grandmasters out there as it is without adding to it.

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