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New golf terms
Some new golf terms to use when you're
out on the course...

A 'Rock Hudson' - a putt that looked straight, but wasn't.

A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another.

A 'Yasser Arafat' - butt ugly and in the sand.

A 'John Kennedy Jr.' - didn't quite make it over the water.

A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed.

An 'O.J.'- got away with one.

A 'Princess Grace' - should have used a driver.

A 'Princess Di' - shouldn't have used the driver.

A 'Condom' - safe, but didn't feel very good.

A 'Brazilian' - shaved the hole.

A 'Rush Limbaugh' - a little to the right.

A 'Nancy Pelosi' - Way to the left and out of bounds.

A 'James Joyce' - a putt that's impossible to read.

A 'Ted Kennedy' - goes in the water and jumps out.

A 'Pee Wee Herman' - too much wrist.

A 'Sonny Bono' - straight into the trees.

A 'Paris Hilton' - a very expensive hole.

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The Golfing Hit Man

 

Three guys at a classy golf course are waiting for their friend to show up in order to complete their foursome.

 

After waiting several minutes and at risk of losing their tee time, the three notice an oddball standing by the clubhouse all by himself, carrying a bag of clubs. The three of them look at each other, shrug their shoulders and figure, "Why not?"

 

They ask the stranger if he would like to play with them, and he agrees. While playing on a green, one guy asks, "So, what do you do for a living?" The guy responds, "I'm a hit man." Not believing him, they begin to laugh.

 

"No, I'm not kidding," he replies. "Take a look at my sniper rifle here in my bag. I charge $1,000 every time I pull the trigger." The three golfers begin admiring the rifle and the huge scope that is on top. The first guy jokingly says, "I bet I can see my house from here with that thing!"

 

As a friendly gesture, the hit man hands him the gun and says "Here, take a look."

The first guy takes the gun and looks toward his house through the scope, just past the next hole.

"Hey!" he yells while looking through the scope. "My wife is naked with the neighbor and they are kissing!"

 

He asks the hit man, "How much for you to pull the trigger?" The hit man replies, "$1,000, just like I said."

 

The guy then yells, "OK, I'll go for $2,000 worth -- I want you to shoot my neighbor's balls off for making me a cuckold, and I want you to shoot my wife in her mouth for always nagging me!"

 

With that, the hit man takes his rifle, loads it, and takes aim toward the guy's house.

 

He is sitting there for a long time, just looking through the scope.

The guy yells, "What the hell are you waiting for?"

 

The hit man says, "Hold on a sec -- I think I can save you a thousand bucks...."

Edited by Spartacus
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A woman just finished a round on the course and went to complain to the greens keeper about getting stung by some bees on the course. The keeper asked where she was stung. She said between the first and second hole. He said, next time keep your feet closer together....

                                                                                                                     what.gif

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