Funny Grand Unification Conspiracy Theory--Not Serious?

[HB of CJ 1,263]

Grand Unification Conspiracy Theory meant not to be serious. I think. I finally figured out why all of this seemingly non related shit is going on right now. Bear with me ... this is the straight shit. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

 

Way back in July, 1945 when the good old USA popped that first small nuke, it created a small subspace pulse that is millions of times faster than light speed. About 10,000 parsecs away, (that-a-way) is a deep sensor buoy belonging to the evil Draconian Empire.

 

The buoy sensed the nuke. Then we popped off many more nukes and several other sensor buoys got a pretty good fix on Earth's location out here in our spiral arm. Not good. The Draconian Empire goes around snuffing out primitive planets that might compete.

 

Draconians. Not nice. Ugly. Many tentacles and eye stalks and they smell bad too. Another search and destroy mission for the Draconian Battle fleet. The 10 Battle Cruisers left about 50 years ago. They are five miles long and are dripping with guns.

 

It will take them about 80 years to get here. Big Galaxy. When they get here they are going to nuke the planet to glass, then wash it with Windex. Not good at all. We are doomed as a planet. Turn out the lights, the party is over. But ... what happened?

 

We puny scumvermin humans popped off over 1000 nukes over the years. Wow, that is a lot of nukes. The Draconian sensor buoys are not very smart and just assumed, (dangerous word) that life here on Earth blew itself up. The Battle Cruisers have turned around.

 

But ... other Galactic players are also watching us. Other "good guy" space aliens. There job is to "uplift us" to a level of reason and sanity so we can join the Galactic community. The problem is humans must adapt to different standards to join.

 

Thus all this non related shit happening right now. We are being forced to conform to another level of standards and behavior. We must change. So ... that explains EVERYTHING that is going on right now. THEY need to pull down the good old USA ... totally.

 

HB of CJ (old coot) Not to be taken too seriously?

[Long Shot 1,287]

I see it was about 4:20 when you came up with this.

 

Might want to reconsider your dosage.

[RED333 1,025]

All joking a side, something like that will bring the world to understand that there is just one race,

The Human Race.

[gunman1 1,753]

I see it was about 4:20 when you came up with this.

 

Might want to reconsider your dosage.

 

^^^Now that's some funny shit right there 

[Spartacus 1,619]

[DLT 1,646]

This is basically the same story line Marvel Comics ran for Thanos when he lived on Titan. He basically ignored us until we set off the first nuke.

[magsite20 1,664]

sounds like you mixed substances with bands dude

you where doing one

while listening to the other

[sparky63 46]

I so want one of there ray guns.

[Big John! 2,062]

I love that movie!

[Shandlanos 1,470]

In the grand scheme of things, the energy of a hydrogen bomb isn't much.

The idea of human beings at our current evolutionary level as an interstellar species is laughable. That "uplifting" would be way more likely to be "quarantining" as in, keep the Terran viruses on their home rockball.

I think if there is intelligent interstellar life out there, it is less likely that it is comprised of naturally evolved species, and way more likely that species at a similar evolutionary level to our own figured out how to engineer something better that subsequently supplanted them. For us, that's likely to be artificial intelligence, if we make it that long. If we're really nice to it, maybe it will let us play in the stars with it, maybe as pets.