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RedRhino

There Once Was a Man...

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Have you ever attempted to write your own rhyme?

It's a wonderful way of passing some time.

Try to be clever,

Throughout this endeavor,

Write us limerick that's better than mine.

 

There was a young man from Kalamazoo.

He carried a pistol tucked into his shoe.

While he ran in a race,

He tripped on his lace.

Where once there were five, there are now only two.

Edited by RedRhino
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There once was a President named Bush

His Supreme Court nominee he did push

So when Roberts was confirmed

The Constitution was burned

And America took it in the tush.

 

Written in honor of Obamacare. Sorry the best I could do.

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..."A man from New Orleans" ...

 

... "Always ate too may Beans" ...

 

..." Again and Again" ...

 

..."Much to his Chagrin"...

 

..."He kept blowing holes through his Jeans" ...

 

The End.  Done in 5th grade.  Teacher gave me a "D". smile.png

Edited by HB of CJ
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Roses are red

Violets are blue

I like peanut butter

Can you roller skate?

 

I cannot sing either.

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"A dying leaf falls ..

 

"And flutters from distant thunder."

 

This was supposed to be one of those special Japanese short poems.  Again 5th grade or so.  Teacher gave me a "C" on this one.

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Another one.  Not so much as a poem but something yelled out at the top of our lungs while pretending to attend Junior College ...

 

"Kalla Ka Zip ..

 

"Ka Zip Ka Zamm"

 

"Son of a Bitch, God Damn"

 

"Horses Ass, Cows Tittie"

 

"We're The Band From Long Beach City."

 

Marching song for the marching band from Long Beach City College, Long Beach California.  About 1967 or so.  Funny how dumb silly shit sticks with you. :)

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Channeling Andrew Dice Clay here. 015.gif

 

There once was a hermit named Dave
Who Kept a dead whore in his cave
She was missing a tit
She smelled like shit
But think of the money he saved

 

Jack and Jill Went up the hill
Both of them had a quarter
Jill came down with fifty cents
And Jack came down with a boner

 

Nick the prick had a forty ft. dick,
He showed it to the lady next door.
She thought it was a snake,
And hit it with a rake,
And now it's only four ft.four.

 

There once was a whore on the dock
From dusk until dawn she sucked cock
'Til one day it's said
She gave so much head
She exploded and whitewashed the block
 

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over,
old Rover drove her,
Cause Rover had a bone of his own.
 

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Wrote this in high school (hard to believe almost 30 years ago now)

 

For those who write on bathroom walls

There should be built in mighty halls

In honor of their shining wit

A giant statue made of shit

 

And carved upon this giant turd

Should be inscribed the poet's word

"They paint these walls to hide my pen"

"But the Shithouse Poet strikes again!"

 

Funny that I would remember that and can't remember my wife's birthday.

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The version we learned long ago and far away way ...

 

Casey Jones was a son of a bitch ..

 

Drove his train into a 40 foot ditch ...

 

Climbed out of the wreck with his cock in his hand ...

 

Cried "Son of a Bitch ... I'm a hell of a man."

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That was the version I kind a picked up  being in the garage around a bunch of rednecks that drank a lot of beer when working on cars over the weekend. You should have seen my third grade teachers face when I handed it in as my favorite poem...

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He wed a young girl from Brighton

He thought he had found a tight 'un

He "oh my love it fits like a GLOVE!"

she said "yiur NOT in the RIGHT 'un!

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There once was a whore from the Azores

Her twat was all covered in sores

The dogs in the street

ate the green meat

that hung in festoons from her drawers

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There once was a madman from Kalamazoo

Got a hard on for people so he shot a few

In the parking lot at a Cracker Barrel

As for motive seems he just went ferrel

Uber driver that lost a screw

 

Over at the car lot where they sell em used

Cops say he wasn't drugged up or boozed

With a Lunatic heart and a lunatic mind

Rampage of the most cowardly kind

Six lives taken the devil mused

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No limerick about the guy from Nantucket?

There was a young man from Nantucket,

Who had such a wang he could suck it.

He said with a grin as he wiped off his chin,

"if my ear was a cunt I would fuck it".

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There once was a man from Boston,

Who rode around in an Austin

He had room for his ass and a gallon of gas,

His balls hung out and he lost 'em.

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There was a young man from Kent

his cock was so long ,it bent

to save him the trouble,

he stuffed it in double

instead of coming

he went!

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I once knew a harlot named Lou,

My god how that woman could screw!

after 12 years of whoredom,

She'd die of shear bordom

if she wed an old bastard like YOU!

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Little miss Muffett sat on a tuffet,

Eating her curds and whey,

Along came a spider and sat down beside her,

And she beat the shit out of it with the spoon. tongue.png

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There was a young girl from Nizes,

whose tits were two different sizes

one was so small

it was nothing at all

the OTHER was large and won prizes!

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