What are the first steps that you do? Does a guy have any chance?

She never has a job, lies all the time, never seems to have our son when she is supposed to. Then when I can't because of racing or something else she throws a big fit. And heres a good one she went into a car dealership with another guy and they bought me a car for her to drive! Wait it was in my name? Her power is shut off again, her rent is past do. She calls me up at 11:00am yesterday saying that she needs to go see a doctor because she might have to have surgury and was wondering if I could find someone to watch Andrew. I get my sis to and today I find out that she went drinking all day and night, this is after I go to drop him off at her house and she's not there. The daycare lady's daughter(she's about 25) came to where I work and picked him up for me and told me about the drinking and not have a job. No this isn't all but should be enough to get the picture.

Is this enough of a reason? Only something helpfull please, I don't need some dickhead comments.

Friends brother went through similar, took a looooooong time but he got full custody after she was convicted of drugs and check fraud etc. Other nice points like a a rotting cow in the yard (she lived on a farm)...makes a great plaything for a 3 year old right?

the trick is going to be proof, if everything she is doing is not showing up on some record somewhere it will be hard to prove (the car purchase in your name might be the legal foot in the door you need, but i am not a laywer). power being shut off is a good bet too, she cannot provide a solid environment to raise the child.

oh, and this all happened in WI so we are probably dealing with all the same laws.....


Where is WarriorJudge when we need him?

I have, sucessfully.

Do you currently have a custody agreement?

A friend gave me some good advice just after I got separated. Write everything down. Every single time you have contact with her, write down the time and the date. Write down everything you talked about. Further down the line, your documentation at the time will carry alot more weight than what she 'remembers'.
Yes, judge seem to tend to give preference to the mother even when she's not the best parent. But if you keep track of everything, in writing, it could help things go in your favor. Best of luck to you.

The agreement is that she has placement, I pay 17%, and can see him as much as I want, with a reasonable notice. This winter I had him over 1/2 the time. In Jan it was I believe all but 7 days.

I have since Jan (and some before that) kept track of when I had him, she had him, or our parents had him. Bad thing is in about the last month I forgot to write it down because he was at her parents for atleast 2 weeks straight.

Actually I would get a custody lawyer. It sounds like there's plenty of evidence in your favor.

Racer, Hard times bro! You are in my prayers, brother!

I got my boy back in 2001......

It was far better for my son's quality of life.

PM Warrior Judge. Great advice here, I personally know nothing. Good luck, you and your son will be in our prayers. How old is he?
1911

Good luck and God bless. what racegal said document every thing, and conversation it will help!

I was able to get custody of my daughter. I went back after we were divorced for 10 years and won. Yes the guy can win. As Racegal said, documentation is crucial. Not only what was said or done, but when, where, how, who was there other than you, ect...
This is also not the time to look for a bargain when finding an Attorney. You get what you pay for. The larger firms or more costly Attorney's will have Private investigators on the payroll.
This will cost but can happen.
I don't know how you feel about it but from what you have discribed, it doesn't sound like she cares about having the child, just the extra income. You may find it cheaper to work out something where the child stays with you and you continue to pay her the money. I have seen other couples do it that way. The husband keeps the child and does not request child support. He in turn pays temporary alimony for 3 to 5 years. If she is afraid of going through the expense and grief of a custody battle and looks at the alternative, she might be onboard with it. Lawyers can get expensive and you may come out ahead continuing payments to her for a few years rather than getting in debt to an Attourney over a case that you are not guarenteed to win. Even if you do it this way, you will stil want it drawn up by a lawyer in legalize and filed through the court.
You basically have three options; Try to work out another agreement that will benefit the child, Fight for custody in court, or stand by and wait for her to screw up and land in jail. The last one scares me because it may be at the child's expense. If she is that much of a danger to the child then option 3 is not worth waiting for.
Good luck to you. I have been through it and it is not easy.

Thanks for the prayers guys.

1911 He will be 7 on Halloween.

Madmilo she acts like she loves him when I see them together but that doesn't mean anything.

I never got married to her, just had a child with her. As bad as that sounds.

Thanks for the responses guys.

Im sorry, she got a car in your name??!! Isnt that Identity theft?? Seems like a good start to get custody, im not expert though.

No see what happened is that "I" bought a car for "her" to drive while "I" paid for it. She made most of the payments herself for the car so that I wouldn't find out about it.

In NC that may be a felony, obtaining property by false pretense, or identity theft. Get a domestic attorney. I don't know what Placement is... has there been a custody order issued by a court? can't be a separation agreement since you weren't married. so how did she get placement? In NC again, as I'm not licensed to practice law in your state, you must show a "substantial change of circumstances affecting the welfare of the minor child since the entry of the last order" to modify a prior custody order. If you're keeping the child more than 1/2 the time, that may constitute a substantial change.

get a lawyer. good luck.

I second Rangerdavid. It has been a while since I did any family law and it is a specialized area of the law, requiring expertise and assertiveness. Ask around, word of mouth regarding attorneys is a good way to determine who is good and who is not.

Good luck.

WJ

Lawyer up... my sis in law and her fiance are still going through this stuff, both of them have ex's who are best described as "Permanently Chemically Altered".

That's freaking GREAT!!! I'm using that in court next week~!!! If i'm gonna owe you money, fine, but I'm stealing that one!! ITs FREAKING GREAT!!

I don't know the laws reguarding parental rights in your state. In Florida it really sucks for the father. If the parents of the child were never married, the mother has sole custody and the father has no rights to the child at all, even if he is listed on the birth certificate. Once there is a custody hearing, he will be granted rights pending the outcome of the hearing by the court.
I have to deal with these disputes all of the time. Unfortunately, there are a lot of parents (male and female) that use the child as leverage against the other parent instead of looking at what is best for the child.

Example this Monday she gives me a big guilt trip about never having my son because I couldn't have him that night. I then have him Tue, wed, with her to have him Thursday and then he will be with me for the weekend. Friday I get a call from her friend (who was/is the sitter) saying that my son spent the night a someone's house (a person that went to rehab) not at his mom's house.

This winter this would have been a normal week for the amount of time that he was with me. This summer now that racing has started normally I will have him 2 or 3 days out of the week with about every 3rd weekend. Most of the time when it is her weekend with him she will take him to her parents, or my parents who go camping most weekends, he has a blast camping.

Brother I feel your pain. I have 2 children, boy age 7 and girl age 3. Thier mother and I have been divorced for going on 2 1/2 years and the crap I have to put up with is unreal. Not nearly at the level where you are at but its more headache than I want. Like mentioned before, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT.

I dont know about your state, but here in WA, if you have "man parts" down there, you are a walking Satan as far as the courts are concerned. You pretty much have to have video evidence of the mother killing someone, smoking crack or threatening to kill one of the children before the courts will even hear your case. And sadly even with drugs, if the mother agrees to entering a program on her own, they will give HER the benefit of the doubt.

My problems with the ex arent with drugs (but I have my suspicions) it revolves around her not adhearing to the parenting plan. Not letting me have the time designated by the courts as "my time". I call to speak with my son every day and she will either not answer the phone or hang it up saying "you can talk to him when he comes to visit you". Constantly asking for more money becuase apparently the $1,300.00 a month in child support, 500.00 in day care, 150.00 in YMCA isnt enough for her.

Most recently is was her sending the kids out o state to visit grand parents for 16 days over 2 time periods that were supposed to be mine without my permission. she is one of those "the rules dont apply to me kind of people".

Will I ever get custody of my children.......probably not. But all I can do is that next month when I go in for a child support modification (new job and taking a 20K cut in pay) and drop everything else on the table, she will at least get her hand slapped.