ChileRelleno 7,071 Posted May 9, 2012 Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 (edited) “Turn Tail and Run” Law Proposed by Evan F. Nappen Editor's Note: We typically reserve our satirical posts for April Fool's Day, but this one is too good to pass up. Washington, D.C. - Senator Lousenburg (D. NJ) has filed the "Turn Tail and Run" (TTR) bill in the U.S. Senate which, if passed, would preempt ALL State "Stand Your Ground" (SYG) laws. The new bill would impose a national duty to retreat at all times when one encounters a criminal threat or is about to become a victim of violent crime. New York City Mayor Bloomingidiot has made passage of the "TTR" a centerpiece of his national "Second Chance at Shoot First" campaign. The mayor heartily approved of TTR, especially since bodyguards of celebrities, VIP’s, and political figures were exempted. When the President was asked about TTR at a recent press conference he expressed his eager support. He said "Great Britain has long banned self defense" and "Americans need to be brave, like Sir Robin." Our President then quoted a passage from the classic British tale of Sir Robin: ]"Brave Sir Robin ran away. Bravely ran away, away. When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about. And gallantly he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet. He beat a very brave retreat. Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin!"[/b] He further pointed out four simple rules of how TTR would apply: 1) You are criminally attacked, run away! 2) You see others being criminally attacked, run away! 3) You are threatened with violent crime, run away! 4) You see others being threatened with violent crime, run away! The President illustrated these simple rules as follows, "So for example, if you are mugged in the street, attacked by a rapist, threatened with a deadly weapon, or confronted by a burglar in your home, be brave and run away!" "If you see others facing such threats, be brave and run away!" He further commented that TTR is a proud American tradition that helped us win our independence, "We, as Americans, need to remember the example set by Captain Parker at Lexington Green in 1775 when he bravely said to his fellow Minutemen, "Turn tail and run. Don't fire even if fired upon. If they mean to have a war, let it begin somewhere else." Attorney Evan Nappen, Esq. is the General Counsel and one of the five corporate Directors of Pro-Gun New Hampshire, Inc. (www.PGNH.org). He is President of E.F. Nappen Attorney at Law PC in Concord, New Hampshire, and is the author of the book New Hampshire Gun, Knife, and Weapon Law. Edited May 9, 2012 by ChileRelleno 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bayoupiper 738 Posted May 9, 2012 Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 Does it surprise you that a lib would think this way?? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W_u4UTvk9w 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
XD45 7,124 Posted May 9, 2012 Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 "And there was much rejoicing!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
unclejake 428 Posted May 9, 2012 Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 Well, I'm sorry , but, I'm too old to run, too crippled up to run, and nowhere in any of my X-RAYS has EVER shown a streak of YELLOW running vertical from my tailbone to my skull ! I will not run, nor will I cower! I guess that's why I just can't cotten to being a Dem! 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
liberty -r- death 1,445 Posted May 9, 2012 Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 I fart in your general direction. . . 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
timy 1,185 Posted May 9, 2012 Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 Well, if I saw this particular president being attacked, I would definitely run away. Or maybe I would just stand there and applaud. Either/or works for me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
thebuns1 4,323 Posted May 9, 2012 Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 its the pussification of our country. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dad2142Dad 6,559 Posted May 9, 2012 Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 Harry Callahan: Well, when an adult male is chasing a female with intent to commit rape, I shoot the bastard. That's my policy. The Mayor: Intent? How did you establish that? Harry Callahan: When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross! [walks out of the room] The Mayor: He's got a point. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Agent Lemon 157 Posted May 9, 2012 Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 When I read "Great Britain has long banned self defense" I thought that this was from the Onion or something. After Googling, I found out that it is indeed a parody. Good. I was about to get pissed off. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChileRelleno 7,071 Posted May 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 I would've thought the 'Editor's Note' would give it away as a parody? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ronin38 2,117 Posted May 9, 2012 Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 (edited) When I read "Great Britain has long banned self defense" I thought that this was from the Onion or something. After Googling, I found out that it is indeed a parody. Good. I was about to get pissed off. Well Great Britian certainly doesn't support self-defense! Ever heard of Tony Martin? http://en.wikipedia....Martin_(farmer) Also note that robberies involving firearms have increased since the UK's last round of gun bans. (That's robbers with guns vs. citizens without guns.) Edited May 9, 2012 by Ronin38 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dad2142Dad 6,559 Posted May 9, 2012 Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 When I read "Great Britain has long banned self defense" I thought that this was from the Onion or something. After Googling, I found out that it is indeed a parody. Good. I was about to get pissed off. Well Great Britian certainly doesn't support self-defense! Ever heard of Tony Martin? http://en.wikipedia....Martin_(farmer) Also note that robberies involving firearms have increased since the UK's last round of gun bans. (That's robbers with guns vs. citizens without guns.) Hmm that same kind of thing happen in like 1936, oh man can't remember what happened after that................ 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Agent Lemon 157 Posted May 10, 2012 Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 I would've thought the 'Editor's Note' would give it away as a parody? I didn't read the whole thing. I never read the whole thing if the first half starts pissing me off. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sparky63 46 Posted May 10, 2012 Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 hell run away in the service and you get a meddle from the one.pisses me off. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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