What are PTSD warning signs?

[6500rpm 670]

I hate to post this here but I have some concerns for my wife. She has a soft spot for animals and old folks and yesterday she had a bad bad experience. We live off a country road and on her way home she saw a neighbor we've known for 20+ years dog wondering so she pulled off the road and grabbed it. The neighbor, Mr Kurtz was cutting his property and she waved him down and gave him his dog. They talked for about 10 minutes to catch up, she said goodbye and gave him a pat on the back. As she turned and he started back across the road she heard the thud-he and the dog were struck and killed in front of her by a driver that some how didn't see him on a straight two lane road with a center turn lane. Ballpark is 40mph with no brake apply that knocked him out of his shoes and cloths so it wasn't pretty.  She's spent the last 24 hrs crying almost non stop. He was in his early 80's and she keeps trying to blame her self for not walking him back across the road or for even stopping to get the dog. She's been playing the whole thing over and over in her head. She saw him flying through the air from the impact and ran to his side but he was dead on impact. My concern is that even though we've watched as parents have passed, that this was traumatic and she's a soft person in general.

 

Life's hardened me for the most part but I'm concerned for her and I've got questions about what specific signs I should watch for as the days pass-she's very good at hiding things but I can hear the quiver in her voice 24hrs later. She's been back to the site and told me she was looking for the pipe he had in his mouth. I know the usual common sense things to help her through this, but if there are any specifics I should be concerned about please share what you know. In 25 years of marriage I've never seen anything effect her this hard. My biggest concern is that she's trying to put blame on herself for trying to help and that it has somehow caused this and completely missed the fact that the driver of the vehicle at 1pm in the afternoon didn't see a man that was on a open straight road. I guess I'm looking for some wisdom from some of those who've experienced a lot. I've talked with my brother and his best advice is watch and wait, have her talk with someone if she can't get past this. We still have a funeral she wants to attend and possibly a trial if the report shows negligence on the drivers part-I'm not sure how she's going to get through that at this point but both are important to her.

 

Thanks brothers for taking the time to read this.

Rest in peace Mr Kurtz, you were a good man.

 

Mark

 

 

[Dad2142Dad 6,559]

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Edited May 7, 2014 by Dad2142Dad

[DLT 1,646]

Speak to your doctor. He/she can prescribe something. Then get her to a licensed professional counselor. Look for one trained in trauma focused cognitive behavioral therapy.

[Shandlanos 1,470]

She's certainly suffered psychological trauma, but PTSD is not a likely diagnosis.

Part of the clinical definition of PTSD is that it is triggered by a situation in which you were personally endangered, triggering your fight or flight response. A close friend, and an ex, both suffer from PTSD. She was traumatized by seeing someone else killed, and blames herself - she will certainly carry scars for the rest of her life. It is unlikely that PTSD will result.

[Ronin38 2,117]

Very sorry to hear about Mr. Kurtz and his dog. 

 

Best Wishes to your wife to get over the shock of seeing that, hopefully she can focus on the things she enjoys in her life and look for all the good, beautiful, alive things around her every day.

[breid1970 327]

Please for your own sake and hers don't take mental health advice from the net. My wife IS a psychologist and after reading this shook her head and walked away.

[chevyman097 2,579]

Thats terrible. Im sorry for the loss, and best wishes to his family and yours.  Best thing to do would to be there for her right now.

 

Good luck.

[gunman1 1,753]

See post #6, don't screw around with this.

[6500rpm 670]

reid, I'm not looking for specific advice. She had a very bad experience not uncommon to many LEO and Uniformed men on the board. My Brother is a 33yr retired LEO that saw a fair amount of shit in the service and in law enforcement and the best advice he had was wait and observe. She's not having any specific fight or flight issues but I do think the experience was a mental overload for her, with any luck, short term and I do think she's got a lot of displaced guilt.

As for Mr K., I found a local news story, he was 78 and active. When I first moved here it was my little subdivision, his tree farm, and lots of corn and soy bean farms. Most all of that is gone now and bit by bit they nibbled away at his property. One of the last conversations my wife had with him he stated the only way he was moving would be in a box, odd that only a few minutes later it happened.

 

PTSD may have been a wrong term to use but in all our years with each other I've never known her to take things this hard. I haven't been to church in a long long time but I have to say I do believe that most likely every living thing has a spiritual side or energy that resides in the physical being but that's a different subject for each of us to decide.

 

http://www.ksdk.com/story/news/local/2014/05/05/pedestrian-struck-by-vehicle-and-killed-in-ofallon/8729677/

[HighPlainsDrifter 466]

Heart goes out to you and your family.  I hope your wife finds some peace.

[Spacehog 2,218]

I am very sorry to hear this, and my heart goes out to you, your wife, and the family of Mr. Kurtz. I am not a psychiatrist or medically trained psychologist, but as a husband to a wife of 21 years who sounds very similar to yours in her soft heartedness and compassion for others, I can safely say, at a minimum be there for her, really listen to her without trying to fix this for her, and most of all love her through this. Sometimes all we can do is share in the pain of those we love. My wife went through something similar with the unexpected death of her mother last year. She blamed herself, even though she had nothing to do with it. It has been difficult, and she still has rough days every now and then, but she is slowly healing. This Sunday is going to be difficult for her though.

 

You may want to openly discuss with her the possibility of counseling, and whether she thinks it will help get her through this. If she agrees, find a licensed professional, ( I recommend Christian based, but that is up to you) and be there with her, even if you are in a waiting room outside for every appointment.

 

I am sorry you guys are going through this. I will be praying for you and your wife, and the family of Mr. Kurtz.

[Spartacus 1,619]

Dude.... I'm sorry that your wife went through that.

I'm sorry for Mr. Kurtz and his dog too, but in my belief system, they are doing fine now and have no pain from this.

 

Here's something I witnessed years ago, not the same, but similar feelings as your wife afterwards.

 

I came upon an accident scene once many years ago. There was a guy in the grass center strip of a major expressway, his unconscious girlfriend was laying next to his smashed up car and she was covered with a plastic tarp to try to keep her warm. The accident had just happened, and had not been called in yet. I ran back to my truck to call it in on my old brick cell phone on the 12V cig adapter (it was years ago).

 

Spoke with dispatch and then ran back to the scene to see how the girl was. It seemed like it was taking a while for fire/police.... 5 minutes.... 10 minutes.... As I kept watch for them, I noticed I was not at the crossroad I thought I was... SHIT... I gave 911 the wrong cross road! Ran back to the truck again to call 911 and correct the cross road.

 

Ran back to the scene and then things got even worse..... some guy had pulled up on the FAR shoulder on the northbound side, he was running across the lanes to the scene and THUD, he gets hit by a car and rolls off the hood in front of the car. The cars behind that car are all getting sideways trying to stop. The first car almost got rear-ended and would have run the guy over.  Myself and another guy ran up the shoulder waving our arms to slow down the oncoming traffic. The poor guy that got hit was trying to stand up and fell over back onto the pavement. Very bad scene. Like something out of a movie that kept getting worse.

 

Once traffic was under control I ran back to the truck for my third call to 911 to tell them about the guy that just got hit. Ran back to the scene and fire/police rolled up a few minutes later. The cop was amazed at the chaos... he was wide-eyed and forgot to hit his rollers, the by-stander I was with told him to turn on his rollers. The cop hit the rollers and then for whatever reason, warned me and the other guy to leave or we would be arrested.

 

Really... arrest witnesses?

 

So as I was driving away, I realized that if I gave the correct crossroad to 911 the first time, the guy running across lanes to help may not have been hit because fire/police would have been there already. The girl from the smashed car would have been tended to faster as well.

 

I fucked up! I was doing my best to help, but I still fucked up!

 

I don't know what happened to the victims.

As big as the scene was, I never saw anything in the media about it.

 

I was down on myself for a long time after that, but eventually I realized I had to let it go.

Shit happens. Accidents happen. Life happens.

 

Mark, please let your wife know even though she was with him by the road it was NOT HER FAULT!

She was just a witness, she did not cause the accident. Thank God she didn't get hit too!

 

Please have her read this.... sometimes it's more helpful to have support from people who are not related.

Edited May 8, 2014 by Spartacus