Tough love....

[evlblkwpnz 3,418]

A very good old friend of mine was severly addicted to pills for probably the last 10 or so years. I would see him now and again and just let him know what a shame it was to see him like that and that I was pulling for him. After all of those years, he called me as sober as a judge. He had checked himself into a rehab and recently completed a 120 day program. I went and hung out with him and it seemed like he was "back" and truly wanted to stay on the straight and narrow. Not long after that, he wanted me to help him get a job driving over the road again, so I pulled some strings and gave him an opportunity. He has had the job for a few months and all was well, to the best of my knowledge. Tonight, he called me and sounded a bit "off" to say the least. Apparently, he is back on pills again and someone called his employer and told them that he needed a drug test. He knows that I am clean, so he asked me if I could help him out with some clean urine. He told me that he had been stressed out and was slipping a bit, but it wasn't doing it while he is driving. I played the game with him and said I would. I came over and he was sitting on his steps about to fall over, drooling, and could barely hold a cigarette in his hand. How ridiculous is it to see a grown man looking as helpless as a baby? Pretty damn sad when you care about them. I was honestly offended that he would even ask me to help him and be in that condition when I get there. In a nutshell, I let him know that he had taken an opportunity for granted and should be able to take his own piss test. After all, it is his job, not mine. I asked him how he thought that I would feel if I pissed for him and he later died or killed someone in that rig. What about his employer's business, truck, reputation, and insurance premiums? He didn't even have a clear reply, just very low indistinct mumbling. I am thinking to myself "WTF about his is not ridiculous?". I told him that he was on his own and the best thing that he could do is tell his boss that he has a problem and wants to pursue treatment. I just can't be responsible for all of the consequences of his decision to abuse prescription drugs. He got mad at me and I told him to call me when he is sober. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. At least he will be in the positoin to face his decisions and move forward from them. Tough love....

 

My daughter and ex-wife died in a head-on collision with a semi. The trucker was not at fault and I am sure that he still sees their faces rapidly approaching before the deadly impact. I wish that I could call him and find the words to comfort him and help him move forward. I can feel it haunt him even though it isn't his fault. He probably runs through the "What should I have done different?" battle within his own mind. I can't imagine how I would feel to know for sure that I was responsible for the death of my friend or someone else through making the wrong decision. Possibly someone's innocent child.

I hope this will save a life.... maybe even a few.

 

I may screw around here and joke a bit, but I use that and my hobbies as temporary efforts to distract myself from the things that I do not like, but have to live with for the rest of my life. As long as there is a breath in my body, I will never lay eyes on my daughter or feel her hug my neck again and say "I love you Daddy". I can't be a part of making that someone else's reality. Our decisons have a far greater impact than we may realize and we cannot do wrong by doing the right thing. Just do the right thing....

evl....

Edited August 30, 2011 by evlblkwpnz

[SaigaKen 338]

You made the right choice and sorry about the pain you been through yourself

[evlblkwpnz 3,418]

You made the right choice and sorry about the pain you been through yourself

I don't have to like it.... just live with it. I know nothing else in this life will compare to that experience. I find a little peace in that thought, as strange as it may sound. The worst is behind me and I can handle whatever else life brings

Edited August 30, 2011 by evlblkwpnz

[Cobra 76 two 2,677]

Bless you brother! Wish I could take some of your pain away and put it in one of my own little cubby holes where I store it. Your buddy will always be your buddy though, and you definitely did the right thing there. Hope it makes him realize he has to face this thing himself and deal with it....HIMSELF.

[dayofruin 425]

I've watched several people I know go down that path... And it is something sad to see. Seems like any amount of help is never enough.

[DrThunder88 912]

It takes guts to do the right thing when it hurts a friend, but, at the end of the day, you're a better person for doing it. Here's hoping your friend sees what you've done for what it is.

[22_Shooter 1,560]

You did the right thing, no doubt. Sometimes people need that tough love to get to a better place in their life. Hopefully, your friend can kick his habit altogether someday.

 

 

 

 

 

As long as there is a breath in my body, I will never lay eyes on my daughter or feel her hug my neck again and say "I love you Daddy".

 

I don't have kids, let alone ever lost a child, but reading that really tore me up inside. My sincerest condolences, friend.

[MT Predator 2,294]

Damn allergies. Hope everything works out for your buddy.

[Dad2142Dad 6,559]

Great move sir

[evlblkwpnz 3,418]

I have seen a lot of people waste their lives. Some are still wasting away and some are dead. It amazes me that, at one time or another, we were at the same point in our lives. Where did they go wrong? I often wonder sometimes, what was the exact decision that lead them to where there are now? I honestly think it boils down to a singular decision that just kind of snowballs into a tragic existence. These people could have been productive members of society or great parents if they had enough motivation to apply the same energy to these things that they put forth toward staying addicted. It is a very sad and empty existence, and the drug is the "puppet master". What the hell do you do? About the only thing you can do is not enable them and hope they snap out of it sooner or later. Some do and some don't, but it sure is a great feeling when someone you care about steps back into the game well and ready to play

[Paulyski 2,227]

I have a friend going through the same stuff.

It's sad to see someone who had the ability to make nearly anything happen in his world, turn into a pathetic junkie.

 

The rehab cycle is a long one.

Hopefully your friend won't OD & die before he gets his shit together.

 

I miss my friend.

We literally went to war together on the streets of Portland in my youth. A 6'3" 250lb Indian with more heart than a pitbull is a great guy to have your back.

 

But all that's gone.

He knows I disapprove of his junkie friends & his current lifestyle, so he only contacts me in the rare moments that he wants to clean up, or the more common moments that he winds up in one of the psych units I used to work at due to OD's & is forced to clean up for a couple weeks because he's locked in.

 

It's a damn shame.

 

Hopefully your friend won't graduate to methadone.

That's even more of a powerful level of self-enslavement.

 

I actually keep a pack with old warm clothes, a small tent & sleeping bag for when Dustin calls me up when he's burnt his last bridge.

I won't subject the girls to the danger his lifestyle brings with it by letting him stay here, or even know where "here" is.

He's been robbed at gunpoint more times than I can count & God only knows what he's done himself.

 

I'll never completely turn my back on a friend no matter what they do aside from harming kids, but sometimes one must distance themselves from the friend to keep others safe.

 

His sister, father & I have pretty much tried everything.

Now...

 

This is generally how we know if he's still alive or not;

 

 

By checking the Multnomah County Inmate Roster.

The first picture is how he looks when he's straight.

It was taken when he was in the rehab that I helped him get into.

All these pictures were taken within the last 10 months.

He left the rehab a few weeks ago.

I suspect I'll hear from him in a month or two if he's still alive.

[evlblkwpnz 3,418]

I have a friend going through the same stuff.

It's sad to see someone who had the ability to make nearly anything happen in his world, turn into a pathetic junkie.

 

The rehab cycle is a long one.

Hopefully your friend won't OD & die before he gets his shit together.

 

I miss my friend.

We literally went to war together on the streets of Portland in my youth. A 6'3" 250lb Indian with more heart than a pitbull is a great guy to have your back.

 

But all that's gone.

He knows I disapprove of his junkie friends & his current lifestyle, so he only contacts me in the rare moments that he wants to clean up, or the more common moments that he winds up in one of the psych units I used to work at due to OD's & is forced to clean up for a couple weeks because he's locked in.

 

It's a damn shame.

 

Hopefully your friend won't graduate to methadone.

That's even more of a powerful level of self-enslavement.

 

I actually keep a pack with old warm clothes, a small tent & sleeping bag for when Dustin calls me up when he's burnt his last bridge.

I won't subject the girls to the danger his lifestyle brings with it by letting him stay here, or even know where "here" is.

He's been robbed at gunpoint more times than I can count & God only knows what he's done himself.

 

I'll never completely turn my back on a friend no matter what they do aside from harming kids, but sometimes one must distance themselves from the friend to keep others safe.

 

His sister, father & I have pretty much tried everything.

Now...

 

This is generally how we know if he's still alive or not;

 

 

By checking the Multnomah County Inmate Roster.

The first picture is how he looks when he's straight.

It was taken when he was in the rehab that I helped him get into.

All these pictures were taken within the last 10 months.

He left the rehab a few weeks ago.

I suspect I'll hear from him in a month or two if he's still alive.

I see the pain and humiliation in his eyes. Somewhere in there is still that guy you used to know, but whether or not he will surface again is impossible to predict. Looking at what effort they put into addiction really makes you wonder what they could accomplish in sobriety. Maybe he will "come back". The funny thing is that I have seen a variety of things spur people to get sober, from the loss of someone close to just plain getting tired of living that life. They stop living that life one way or another, be it by sobriety, prison, or death. Few options exist....

 

I'm not exactly sure why we invest time and effort into trying to help, but it is one hell of an accomplishment when you can bring them back. I look at it as a wager. I'll bet x amount of time and effort that will get sober and have a good life as a result of that sobriety..... To be just a small part of that sobriety really feels good to me when it comes to fruition. I'm with ya, Pauly. Fight the good fight.

[Jeluvsk 58]

I can't even imagine what you've been through.

 

 

 

My Grandfather always told me to think positive; depression is only a state of mind. Drugs can't fix problems they only temporarily mask your emotions making things worse. No matter how bad things may be there's always someone that's experienced worse. You can dwell on the poor me's, what if's, and unknowns, but at the end of the day things are what they are, you can choose to either live with them or die, but there's no sense living miserable.

 

But my god it must be hard waking up in the morning without a child. A wife has got to be hard enough, but I couldn't imagine loosing one of my babies. I think I'd die inside... Sorry for your loss

[G O B 3,516]

I have a friend going through the same stuff.

It's sad to see someone who had the ability to make nearly anything happen in his world, turn into a pathetic junkie.

 

The rehab cycle is a long one.

Hopefully your friend won't OD & die before he gets his shit together.

 

I miss my friend.

We literally went to war together on the streets of Portland in my youth. A 6'3" 250lb Indian with more heart than a pitbull is a great guy to have your back.

 

But all that's gone.

He knows I disapprove of his junkie friends & his current lifestyle, so he only contacts me in the rare moments that he wants to clean up, or the more common moments that he winds up in one of the psych units I used to work at due to OD's & is forced to clean up for a couple weeks because he's locked in.

 

It's a damn shame.

 

 

I feel for you. Been there all to often. There is always hope - I have a cousin that descended into alcohol and prostitution and drugs at a very young age. I would see her every 4 or 5 years when she wanted to get clean. She finally freed herself from her demons and stayed clean, married a good man and is happy as a rancher's wife. I never hear from her anymore, I guess that is part of how she keeps her new life free from the old one.

This last spring we buried a dear friend, I worked with Bob for over 10 years. He had been clean and sober for nearly 20 years. Great guy, but when his brother stole from him and his health went bad he went back to his old ways , a broken heart, drugs and alcohol killed him.