evlblkwpnz 3,418 Posted October 13, 2012 Report Share Posted October 13, 2012 Today, October 13th, my youngest daughter has been dead longer than she was alive. She was in a head on collision with a semi in 2004, which took the life of her mother and nearly killed my oldest daughter as well. I would have never thought that I could make it through something like that and actually improve my life at the same time, but events like that tend to make some people want to make the best of what is left of their reality. That is how I made it. I have to admit it has hardened me emotionally and made me realize that everything after this is cake, but it made me a much better person in so many other ways. I have been able to tell the story and help others, which makes it a bit easier to accept. We do not have to like these kinds of events, but we do have to live with them and we may as well do our best to find the light in the worst that life has to offer. If you have suffered the loss of a child, I urge you to find a way to help others with the story, if at all possible. There is no telling how many lives you can impact with it in a positive way. I was extremely fortunate to have been able to be but a very small part of saving children's lives and improving their future quality of life through telling our story. That has been the most rewarding thing to ever happen to me. I will never meet the majority of people that the story will impact, but I know they are there. For those of you who have suffered the loss of a child, know that you are not alone and I sincerely offer my condolences. We are the emotional warriors.... evl.... 20 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
timy 1,185 Posted October 13, 2012 Report Share Posted October 13, 2012 Glad you were able to deal with it. I didn't do so well, but I'm much better now. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
red_cedar 28 Posted October 13, 2012 Report Share Posted October 13, 2012 I'm sorry for your loss. It must have been devastating. Back it the mid to late 80's I went through an event with my children that has left emotional scars and had hardened my heart. The event also made other things in life seem not so difficult. Thank you for sharing. I hope others here don't have to go through something tragic to benefit from your words. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra 76 two 2,677 Posted October 13, 2012 Report Share Posted October 13, 2012 Bless you brother and thank you for having / demonstrating the strength it takes to pull through a personal, emotional tragedy like that. It must have taken strength beyond strength, to pick yourself up from it and move forward like you have. ETA I definitely do understand what you mean about how life's most difficult problems for most people, don't even begin to hold a small candle to what REAL problems are. When someone is knocked down that hard and that far, nothing that person ever encounters can even come close, so you see the whole world and everything differently and in a positive light you never knew before. It gives you an inner strength no one can ever take away. You can then stand bold and strong in the face of the worst that life (and some people in it) can dish out. Amen brother. 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
poolingmyignorance 2,191 Posted October 13, 2012 Report Share Posted October 13, 2012 I can't even begin to fathom the depths of pain that must lead to. Sorry you've all had to endure such burdens. It's nothing short of impressive/inspiring that one can find a glimmer of light in such a dark place. I hope this peace you've found can remain with you, and that you may be able to spread it to others. My condlences for your loss. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
thebuns1 4,323 Posted October 13, 2012 Report Share Posted October 13, 2012 I never lost a child, but I did lose my wife to Mesothelioma on New Years eve in '05 at the ripe old age of 25. It was a real eye opener and damn sure puts things into perspective rather quickly. I would have perferred her to go in a much more painless manner than to watch her suffer the way she did. Hardest thing I ever did in my 30 years of living. Death is a part of life, and a debt that we all must pay one day. I really hate to see when so many good people in this world that have so much to offer, get fucked out of so much, while so many pricks and scum get to lead a long and healthy life. Sorry for everyones loss. 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
evlblkwpnz 3,418 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2012 I had to go into "suck it up" mode quickly. My surviving daughter needed me and our family and friends looked to me for strength even though I felt completely powerless, but somehow did what needed to be done and tried my best to exceed it. It was meant to be and I would not change it if I had the opportunity. I would love to still have my daughter and her mother, but it would be selfish of me to wish for that having seen just a glimpse of the positive effects of that story. The best that we can offer is to put for the effort to seek those out that can benefit from our own pain. It is good therapy. As tragic as it was, I still consider myself fortunate. She was an artist, just like me. I am glad to have known her long enough to realize that. I am very proud of her. I took this picture the last time I saw her.... As strong as I like to think I am, today has been very tough for me. It doesn't seem to get any easier. I want to thank you all for the support. It sincerely means a great deal to me and is heartfelt. evl.... 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
thebuns1 4,323 Posted October 14, 2012 Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 She will always be with you in your heart brother. No doubt about that. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
poolingmyignorance 2,191 Posted October 14, 2012 Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 I've got a 10 year old daughter who looks do similar to her, I can't imagine life without her in it. After reading this this morning i took the afternoon off to spend with her and her little brother at the park. Thanks for reminding us all how precious each day is. Sorry it comes at such a high price for you to share it. I know this thread gas to be gut wrenching for ya. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
zenman223 460 Posted October 14, 2012 Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 I am sorry to hear about your loss, I have no children but I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to lose one and a wife at the same time. Glad to hear you didnt let it destroy your life and instead turned it into a way to positively impact other childrens lives! You Sir have my upmost respect. Keep fighting the good fight. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rs51085 136 Posted October 14, 2012 Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 she was beautiful, evil. reminds me of my little one. my heart and prayers are with you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
evlblkwpnz 3,418 Posted October 14, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 I've got a 10 year old daughter who looks do similar to her, I can't imagine life without her in it. After reading this this morning i took the afternoon off to spend with her and her little brother at the park. Thanks for reminding us all how precious each day is. Sorry it comes at such a high price for you to share it. I know this thread gas to be gut wrenching for ya. Every hug, every smile, every "I love you, Daddy".... they are priceless and that is what makes you a wealthy man. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spacehog 2,218 Posted October 14, 2012 Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 I am very sorry for your loss. I can imagine the pain you have felt and relive each year on this day. My heart and prayers go out to you brother. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Juggernaut 11,054 Posted October 14, 2012 Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 I have had 2 friends lose their daughters this past summer... One had a 2 1/2 year old that drown & another with a 3 year old who had complications due to a hereditary disease she was born with.. Didn't know what or how to offer "help" other then tellin' 'em we loved 'em and here for whatever they may need.. Prayers for you and anyone else who has face the death of a child... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
evlblkwpnz 3,418 Posted October 14, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 I have had 2 friends lose their daughters this past summer... One had a 2 1/2 year old that drown & another with a 3 year old who had complications due to a hereditary disease she was born with.. Didn't know what or how to offer "help" other then tellin' 'em we loved 'em and here for whatever they may need.. Prayers for you and anyone else who has face the death of a child... Very sad when they pass that young. It is every normal parent's dream to see their child grow up, graduate, get married, succeed, etc.. To be stripped of those things that are much anticipated really knocks the wind out of you. Making sense of it and pressing forward in life in spite of the loss is difficult to say the very least. My deepest sympathy to them. What can you do? It may sound somewhat trivial, but talk them into getting out of the house and take them to dinner somewhere. I lost weight rapidly because I started only eating once a day and wasn't drinking enough fluids. Keep an eye on them to see if they have been eating right. It is better for them to be around other people and get distracted from things anyways. Maybe even cut their grass or take out their garbage cans for them. Little things like that say a lot and they probably don't feel like doing much of anything other than grieving. I know I didn't. Did these families have other children? I hope so, but their is a negative to it. Telling them about the loss of their sibling is heartbreaking. Every day when I went to the hospital to see my surviving daughter while she was in a coma, I wondered when she would come out of it and ask why her mother and sister had not came to see her yet. It was a long walk down the hallway to her room every day and the sound of my footsteps seemed to resonate louder in my head each day. I studied everything I could about the subject up until when she finally asked, but it was still very hard and I was relieved to get past it. The main thing is to not tell them until they ask. Kids will let you know when they are ready to hear it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pony_express1973 183 Posted October 14, 2012 Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 Sorry for your loss evil I can't imagine going thru that my two boys are my life and after reading your story I will make sure everyday they know how important they are to me and make sure they know how much they are loved. God bless Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RED333 1,025 Posted October 14, 2012 Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 Thanks for sharing everyone, I tell my OL and Kids "I love you" EVERY" time we talk. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dad2142Dad 6,559 Posted October 14, 2012 Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 Every hug, every smile, every "I love you, Daddy".... they are priceless and that is what makes you a wealthy man. That's it right there my friend. Life is very fragile and loved ones can be taken from you in an instant. The wealthiest people I have known my life time did not have a lot of money. They just had a great time with family and life. While it is a hard thing to endure the loss of anyone who is close. Remember that they would want you to be strong and move forward. Cherish the memories of the time you did have with them. evlblkwpnz I applaud you for talking about this in the open forum. Very hard to go back through the pain, but also very therapeutic. Stay strong sir. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
1liter 20 Posted October 14, 2012 Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 No words after reading that, I'm going to hug my lil man right now. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JonnyDingDongs 158 Posted October 14, 2012 Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 While I have lost many loved ones, I have never had to deal with this level of pain. It shows true strength of character that you guys can talk about it and help others through it. My heart goes out to all of you. What can you do? It may sound somewhat trivial, but talk them into getting out of the house and take them to dinner somewhere. I lost weight rapidly because I started only eating once a day and wasn't drinking enough fluids. Keep an eye on them to see if they have been eating right. It is better for them to be around other people and get distracted from things anyways. Maybe even cut their grass or take out their garbage cans for them. Little things like that say a lot and they probably don't feel like doing much of anything other than grieving. I know I didn't. I know this is true. I suffered a loss this spring and, while trivial in comparison, it affected me in much the same way. By April, I was down to 110lbs. Didn't want to eat, sleep, clean, or even speak. I owe my friends and family dearly for helping me through it. My father most of all. Stay strong guys, you'll be in my prayers. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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