YOT 3,743 Posted July 28, 2013 Report Share Posted July 28, 2013 http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/07/27/its-a-dung-deal-court-upholds-conviction-over-potty-break-that-went-terribly-terribly-wrong-in-federal-building/ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jerry52 893 Posted July 28, 2013 Report Share Posted July 28, 2013 Janitors for the Fed are above cleaning Crap Off The Floor? Is what this is all about? He is a tax payer and Janitors are paid to do this job What about nursing homes and hospitals, will the sick people have to pay extra because we know it happens there a lot? I give up???????????????????????????????????? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nailbomb 10,221 Posted July 28, 2013 Report Share Posted July 28, 2013 I feel bad for the guy, I've had to abandon drawers before. I figure underwear are sacrificial anyway... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
YOT 3,743 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2013 I feel bad for the guy, I've had to abandon drawers before. I figure underwear are sacrificial anyway... LOL.... Haven't we all?!? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nailbomb 10,221 Posted July 28, 2013 Report Share Posted July 28, 2013 I feel bad for the guy, I've had to abandon drawers before. I figure underwear are sacrificial anyway... LOL.... Haven't we all?!? I don't know about that. I had a friend who left a road steamer during a St. Patricks day parade due to being shithouse drunk before it even started... Those kilts are good for something it seems... Just blame it on the horses! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gunman1 1,753 Posted July 28, 2013 Report Share Posted July 28, 2013 Dear God we really have gone over the fucking edge, please just burn us all now Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spartacus 1,619 Posted July 28, 2013 Report Share Posted July 28, 2013 Dear God we really have gone over the fucking edge, please just burn us all now Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nicklebon 27 Posted July 28, 2013 Report Share Posted July 28, 2013 (edited) This is a similar, no cops though, some what locally infamous story that happened to a gentleman here in the Raleigh area back in the mid 90s: http://www.ihos.com/steakhouse.html Edited July 28, 2013 by nicklebon Quote Link to post Share on other sites
breid1970 327 Posted July 28, 2013 Report Share Posted July 28, 2013 The difference here is this. The Janitorial staff are paid to clean up the bathrooms. However, this asshat left fecal matter two feet up the walls. Im getting the impression this was not the act of a colon gone horribly wrong, rather the act of a jackass who was probably pissed at the judicial system. The only ones who have had to pay for his little act of defiance were the poor bastards who had to clean it up. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spartacus 1,619 Posted July 28, 2013 Report Share Posted July 28, 2013 This is a similar, no cops though, some what locally infamous story that happened to a gentleman here in the Raleigh area back in the mid 90s: http://www.ihos.com/steakhouse.html I'm in tears laughing at this...... the poor bastard. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Big John! 2,062 Posted July 28, 2013 Report Share Posted July 28, 2013 For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones ass toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of shit at the exact same second that ones ass is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gunman1 1,753 Posted July 29, 2013 Report Share Posted July 29, 2013 For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones ass toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of shit at the exact same second that ones ass is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer. I can't find my fuken contact again 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DogMan 2,343 Posted July 29, 2013 Report Share Posted July 29, 2013 I don't know. I'm not sure why all that shit had to go all over the walls. There might have been a little bit of malicious intent there but whether it is a federal building or not they have to expect to find shit in there and just clean it up. We don't need our courts tied up with this kind of umm......shit. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
magsite20 1,664 Posted July 29, 2013 Report Share Posted July 29, 2013 I tend to react very suddenly and badly to MSG from all openings so I've had to add a step to "the move" grab a trash can. of course this takes away one hand for the pants drop and throws your balance off during the spin. God help those who come after me if I'm in a place that has the trash can built into the wall. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
YOT 3,743 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) I hear ya. I have some severe allergies to about 19 different food ingredients. Some are much worse than other, but all of them make me bleed internally. It's never pretty if I don't read labels or be VERY specific in a restaurant. Edited July 29, 2013 by Yeoldetool Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dad2142Dad 6,559 Posted July 29, 2013 Report Share Posted July 29, 2013 Ya'll need some fiber Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Remek 771 Posted July 29, 2013 Report Share Posted July 29, 2013 For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones ass toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of shit at the exact same second that ones ass is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer. Sorry to the Janitor, but it is their job. If they caught the guy, he could get a ticket, but see if you can get the government to funnel such ticket money to the janitor. Good luck. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gunman1 1,753 Posted July 30, 2013 Report Share Posted July 30, 2013 (edited) Karma visited me today. So I'm driving back home from the Little League tournament today, I'm 50 miles west of Richmond VA, been dealing with this pain in my gut for the past 100 miles, now my back is really starting to hurt as the pressure is building. I still have about 125 miles to go at this point so I decide I better get to a toilet. I pull off an exit that has a DQ and a BP gas station connected, I figure they probably have pretty clean facility. I turn the car off, open the door and put my feet on the ground, as I try to stand up the pain became so intense I thought I would pass out right there. As I clenched up, the pressure became severe, and I was certain that it would all end with a painful explosion as I hung on to the car door. Suddenly there was brief let-up in the pain, I knew I had to move quickly, but the pressure was still very intense, hell with it, I have to move NOW. I shuffled across the parking lot, stomach in hand, and thought about this thread, not so funny now, as I reached for the door another wave of sever pain gripped my bowels and damned near took my legs out, I hesitated for a brief moment, my mind raced....I aint gonna make it, I gotta go NOW. I gathered all of my forces and rushed the door, now shuffling in a half bent position, eyes scanning for the sign, "MENS ROOM", to my relief it was straight ahead, Women's to the left, Men's to the right, what if it's locked, then go for the women's and pray that it aint. Thank God that the door to the men's room opened and there was nobody else in there. Fucken gun!!!!! I can't just letum fall to the floor cause of the fuken gun, for Christs sake, I'm gonna shit right here in front of the toilet because of the damn gun. Well I made it, and after the first two massive explosions the pain subsided to a tolerable level, I thought about this thread again and started laughing, John's description is right on the mark if you don't let go to the point that I did. As I walked out of the restroom it dawned on me that there hadn't been anyone at or behind the counter when I entered the front door, nobody had seen me come into the place. I kinda snickered as I walked past the counter, knowing that somebody there was going to face a shitty mess in that toilet. Shit Happens. Edited July 30, 2013 by AA re-cvrd 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
YOT 3,743 Posted July 30, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2013 LMAO.... Classic. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bunker83 22 Posted July 30, 2013 Report Share Posted July 30, 2013 driving back from Denver, 5 hours into a 10 drive, its midnight, and my gut starts rolling. im in the middle of Kansas praying theres a gas station ahead. Pains getting worse im speeding up, faster and faster. Red and Blue lights in the mirrior, im trying to explain to the officer whats going on. Then he notices a Paintball gun the back seat of my truck .... more questions... finally lets me go. barely make. I honestly probably stopped 20 times on the way home. there were several times I would get back to my truck , and run back in. added 2 hours of drive time to get home Quote Link to post Share on other sites
G O B 3,516 Posted July 30, 2013 Report Share Posted July 30, 2013 BE PREPAIRED! Carry an empty 2# coffie can in the car. Inside the can put a plastic trash bag, a roll of TP, some wet wipes, and clean underware and socks. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Remek 771 Posted July 30, 2013 Report Share Posted July 30, 2013 Nice story AA, thanks for sharing. I have my 5-gallon bucket and bag and toilet seat to fit the top (used for boating), when traveling. I have no qualms about parking anywhere to go, with my IBS its a given that it will happen occasionally, so I dont worry about public toilet availability. Just run into the nearby woods and go, and pack it out. Never been bothered by a cop, but if I am, I cannot see him doing anything but laughing at me when I walk out with my bucket, bag, and seat cover. I figure its dangerous to drive distracted, so I am doing a public service. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Capt Nemo 882 Posted July 31, 2013 Report Share Posted July 31, 2013 I was glad I was on my way out to another engagement when this happened! Someone didn't make it down, or tried to hover and let go a splatterbomb.....8 feet up the wall!!!!!! It hit everything in that bathroom! So glad I was out the door, or I would have been cleaning it up! We've had that "phantom shitter" hit a few theatrical venues locally. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mancat 2,368 Posted July 31, 2013 Report Share Posted July 31, 2013 I was driving to pick up my niece last summer so she could stay with us for a week, and I was already late to get to where I was picking her up. I felt a fart brewing and let it go. My ass suddenly got real warm. It was not a fart. I doubled back on the road to the nearest forest service road, drove enough to get out of sight of the main road. My underwear was a total loss. It had gone through my underwear, through my pants, and onto the seat cover of my wife's car. I threw my underwear into the bushes, put the seat cover in a plastic bag, washed my pants off with water, and tied on a sweatshirt around my waist 90s-style. When I got to where I was meeting my wife's sister, she asked why I wasn't getting out of the car, so I told her what happened. She cracked up laughing.. My niece still calls me "uncle poopy pants." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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